Pagan Jokes

Week 19 (J): pagan jokes

Over the years, I have learned how important it is to be able to laugh at yourself. I’m not talking about laughing when people around you make mean-spirited “jokes” (also known as microaggressions, but I’ll save the sociology nerding out for another time); I’m talking about being able to laugh when said jokes are actually funny. So, without further ado…


Q: What’s the best thing about Pagan friends?

A: They worship the ground you walk on.


This is quite possibly my favorite pagan joke of all time.


Some essential [types of] pagans to watch out for (nod to Alison Bechdel, and you if you caught the reference):

  • Tree Hugging Nature Sprite: simultaneously believes in universal love for humanity AND returning the planet to a pristine, uncorrupted state. Apt to remove clothes and fondle the shrubbery at a moment’s notice. No meat, no fragrance, no leather, no plastic, no smoke, no drugs, no eco-exploitive products, no animal tested cosmetics, no TV, no car, but very tolerant (until they’re not).
  • Fundamentapagan: grinds their teeth if anyone shows up at a circle wearing a watch, glasses, or other mechanical assistance. Believes that anyone who lives in a city, eats meat or has a regular job dare not call themselves a pagan, Has hissy fits when you talk to them in English. Goes around correcting everyone’s Speech when they talk in gaelic/old norse/latin/Babylonian.


And then there’s some quintessential blonde jokes:

Q: How can you tell a blonde pagan closed the circle?

A: There’s white-out on the floor

Q: Why did the blond pagan have a lasso?

A: She wanted to draw down the moon.


This last is far too true for me (and I have yet to learn not to let the white cat sit on me when I’m wearing black, which is often):

paganjoke3Expect more pagan jokes in the future. I may or may not have quite a few stored up. *shifty eyes*

One response

  1. I don’t have a white cat, but I do have a white dog. This doesn’t mesh to will with my usual choice of black clothing! Love the jokes, too.

    May 8, 2014 at 8:16 pm

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