Thirteen Things Not to Say to a Pagan

Week 9 (E): etiquette (and the snarky responses you’re likely to receive from me should you ask me these questions)

The following are some things you shouldn’t say to a pagan, particularly one you’ve just met. I’ve heard them all before, so no, you’re not as original as you think you are. Mostly this is just an excuse to do a snarky gif post. I ❤ gifs.

1) “Do you really fly on a broom?”

Yes. I also expect to be crushed by a falling house in about 5 years. Everything the movies say about witches is true.

2) “You’re going to hell.”


3) “Do your parents know? Are they ok with you being a witch?”

Yes. Mom actually read quite a few of the books I read in the early years, but she encouraged me to explore my spirituality. She raised me reading Greek and Roman mythology, so my interest in gods and goddesses wasn’t exactly surprising to her. Dad, as a diehard atheist, hates all religions equally, so we just don’t talk about it.

4) “So I really want a girlfriend/boyfriend/sentient blowup doll substitute/new job/better car/more money…”


5) “Do you worship the devil?”


Seriously. It’s 2014. There’s no excuse for this kind of ignorance.

6) “I’m going to pray for you.”


7) “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?”

See question 1.

8) “Yeah, but that’s not, like, a real religion.”


9) “So is it just like that movie The Craft?”


10) “But magic isn’t real!”


11) “Have you heard about the lord Jesus Christ?”


12) “Oh! Well, you do wear a lot of black, so I guess that explains it…”


13) “Can I come watch your full moon rites?”

This is tougher, because I often feel that this request comes from a place of respect and genuine interest. Usually I gently explain that my rituals are private, given the solitary nature of my practice, but that I appreciate their enthusiasm.

In conclusion, I’m not always snarky, but when I am, it’s because you’re asking questions that Google could answer for you in the time it takes me to take a breath and mentally remind myself not to cut a bitch.

15 responses

  1. Funny post!

    February 26, 2014 at 10:16 pm

  2. Loved it! I think we’ve all heard them before…but it’s nice to know I’m not the only one with a tendency to be a bit cheeky when asked! 😉

    February 26, 2014 at 10:54 pm

  3. Fantastic! Just gotta love that snark. I think I may just create a list of my own!

    February 26, 2014 at 11:34 pm

  4. Pingback: 13 Things Not To Say To A Pagan | Beltaine in the Grove

  5. Reblogged this on Knot Magick and commented:
    Anonywitch has it right although to a number of people I’ve responded to #13 ‘No you can’t you perv, even if i did dance naked under the moonlight’ although it entirely depends on who I’m talking to lol.

    February 27, 2014 at 5:21 am

  6. candy tutt

    When you are an old gray-haired woman claiming to be a witch, somehow people don’t tend to fuck with you as much… bwa ha ha haaaa…

    February 27, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    • I look forward to being a cranky old gray-haired witch in the future. *raises a glass*

      February 27, 2014 at 2:18 pm

  7. Reblogged this on lingib1960.

    February 27, 2014 at 1:20 pm

  8. #12: BAHAHAHA! Love it!

    February 28, 2014 at 1:42 pm

  9. Melanie

    Reblogged this on Heimdallsdotter.

    March 1, 2014 at 2:48 pm

  10. Stacy Porter

    BAHAHA! Love the gifs!

    March 1, 2014 at 10:24 pm

  11. Better to have a sense of humor about these things. My response to someone who offers to pray for me is- I’ll pray for you too! May Athena grant you critical thinking skills!
    Fortunately when it does come up, I don’t get these sorts of responses often. Partly because I am selective with who I discuss religion with, but I also am a Druid, so there isn’t usually as much cultural assumptions of devil worship etc. I just might have to say, actually I do play a Bard on Pathfinder, but Druid is my real-life religion.

    March 3, 2014 at 2:24 pm

  12. hah. great laugh! one of my favorites has been “do you like, meditate to like, trip people?” yes. Yes I do. that’s what I do with my time and my religious and devotional energy. I meditate to trip people.


    March 3, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    • *dying laughing*

      Yes, tripping people is totally what meditation is. Tripping is a synonym for spiritual enlightenment, right?! 😉

      March 3, 2014 at 6:56 pm

  13. Pingback: Random Things › <b>Thirteen Things</b> Not to Say to a Pagan | Anonywitch

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